I’m scared, not sore.

  1. 01. I’m scared, not sore.

     

    Yesterday Vega ran off. I found her deep in the neighbors low-electric fence pasture on the other side of our busy road. She’d been shocked by the wire and was no sooner coming to me or getting out of that place than a kid coming back for another whooping. I yelled and screamed and felt how my fear reaction has become a hair trigger. In the country, a dog on the wrong side of anybody’s fence isn’t a great look. As I was making my way towards Vega my other dog almost got hit in the road coming after us as. I was yelling for Gracia to come grab him but she was in the house completely deaf to my pickle. I started to freak out. Why was this so difficult? I found a low spot in the fence and jumped it. I ran after her slinking hoodlumness and then drug her to the fence line. Now what? I picked all 75 pounds of her bodily up and threw her over and across the fence & into the road. My heart was racing. I jumped the fence myself and started escorting her home. A truck slowed way down behind me. I waved, not looking back. They glided past confederate flag flying on a large pole off the back of their truck bed. They turned around. They drove slowly back my way. They whistled. I wept. 

     

    The pressure we put on our family and friends to do better & be kinder, well that is also how we govern our society. Who we chose to be our heroes and our voice shows what we too are trying to be. Who we elect shows what we condone.

    I have voted 5 times for president, countless times in smaller elections & my guy or gal rarely wins. But I have never been afraid for my family and my friends before. I’ve never cried. 

    Hope in dark places:

    2 Anthems, because I’m a soulful country girl mine sound like this:

     

    (I tried to find a non-80s pop star version & couldn’t. And then I thought, hey – some cheese is probly good for us.)

     

     

    and this, always this:

     

    These are the quotes I have found uplifting and galvanizing.

    “Freedom fighters do not always win, but they’re always right.”  -Molly Ivins

    “Be miserable. Or motivate yourself, whatever has to be done it is always your choice.” Wayne Dyer

    “Fall down seven times, get up eight.” 

    There are harder times coming  & so I’m repeating this:

    “Fate whispers to the warrior, ‘You are not strong enough for the storm.’ The warrior whispers back, ‘I am the storm.'” 

     

    If you want to know my ideas for what you can do, email me. 

  2. 02. My daddy’s daughter

    I’m a big fan of my daddy. Behind his back I call him: The Cryin’ Cowboy. Guess that cat’s out of the bag…

    Dad’s kind. He’s fair. He looks out for folks, even when he doesn’t much care for them. He’s a good judge of character. He’s uncanny when it comes to his strange-ass brand of intuition and he listens, -most the time.

    He taught me constantly that my only job in life was to show up, do my best, and ask all my questions. And for as much bluster and bullshit as I spin, that lesson was worth the point because I’m actually quite timid & shy in the face of authority. I’m not great at standing up for myself, and I’m not grand at letting what people say about me roll off my back.

    The man taught me to go for my dreams, and he picked me up when shooting for the stars had me falling flat on my arse. Dad’s a good parent to me.

    So I’m headed out tomorrow to canvas for Hillary. Which is going to make him turn purple. He hates that woman. And that makes me chuckle. Not out of spite, or some oppositional defiance, but because I do believe he remains a big fan of mine, just like I remain a big fan of his.

    Hear me out, my cowboys and cowgirls, and friends who hate politics. Yep, I’m grabbing my beat up box of borax and standing upon it like a snake oil seller once more:

    I’m not looking for perfection. I’m not looking for a knight. I’m not looking for Jesus. I’m looking for a leader that does the best with what they’ve been given  to do. I expect mistakes and I expect I’m going to be disappointed. I expect that whatever leader we have is going to look back at some decisions and think they could have done better if they’d known then what they know now. -But that’s life Wyatt.

    We all would have made different choices “if we’d only known” – but those lines on our face and in our hearts, etching gravity, sorrow, and regret, are what teach us how to be better humans and better leaders. Maybe our one greatest flaw as a design is that we seem to learn best from screwing it up. I’ve done the old head shake and finger waggle at a mess of friends that have been staring down a crossroads of You-Ought-To-Know-Better, but watching them mess up, didn’t save me from my own humanity. I had to dig my hole and swear I was hitting gold, instead of admitting I was hitting bullshit and muddy water. I had to do it my hard way.

    I have about 538 reasons I’m With Her, but probably the biggest reason I’m still bashful to admit that she’s one of my heroes is this: She walks on. She works hard. She ignores the stones thrown and the words screeched. She keeps at trying to make this country and this world a better place. And every girl I’ve been and every woman I want to be needs more of THAT. …because I’m not great at standing up for myself, and I’m not grand at letting what people say about me roll off my back.

    I hear you already. I’ve heard it already. I know it already: But what about: Wall Street, Benghazi, Emails, and the fact you just plain don’t trust her.

    I’m going to repeat: I’m not looking for a saint, I’m looking for a leader. Show me a leader that hasn’t made or been painted with the brush of bad choices, or a loose-loose situation. We don’t get through this life shitting daisies and burping kittens. It doesn’t happen. I don’t expect her to be better than the rest of my heroes. I expect her to continue to live her life in service and make the absolute best choices she can with the information she’s given in 2.5 seconds. I expect a steel countenance and a soft heart. I expect her to be what she’s been. And I’m rather sorry I haven’t stood up for her before because she’s taught me that what you keep trying and striving to do is worth more than the muck and mess of what you have to walk through to do it.

    My daddy said that Benjamin Franklin said this and he keeps up-ing the age on me as I keep showing out:

    “If you aren’t a liberal by age 20, you have no heart. If you are still a liberal by age 30, you have no brain.”

    Only problem Pop, is that it was said by a French man, and not our dude Benny.

    So I’ll give you a new one:

    “There is already a place set for you at our table, if you will choose to join us.”

    The answers I see aren’t in collecting more guns or growing more wary. The world I want isn’t in building fences and hoarding resources. I sure as shit know it’s frightening as hell to believe that when we give and trust and try that there will be enough and that we won’t get taken advantage of. I Am A Woman. I walk down most streets aware that for the grace of god, I’m not another number on the rape chart, or violence done. I’m clear. Real Clear. But the thing is this: The violence done, the rapes committed, the goods stolen, the heartache begotten: by and far the numbers show it’s done by the people we know, the people we love. So I say to you, the best we can do is work towards the hope of what we’ve been given. Show up, ask questions. Share the places you can that are left at your table.

    The world is watching.

    And our little girls are too.

    dusk

     

     

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