But that’s the thing about hope. It requires a piece of your heart. Belief that things can be better though I was pretty sure it would pass. When we put our civil liberties in the hands of the majority, we come away with none. That’s how it’s always worked.  Amendment 1 makes it ok for my government to say I am not even “separate but equal” but lesser.

If I had the opportunity to – I would knock on every door and have a conversation. Every door. I am not scary or sick or wrong. And I carry the hope that if I could sit down with most people, they would start to see me as human too. I still have hope. Hurt by rampant ignorance. Let down by my government. Saddened at the amount of fear and the dogmatism that propels folks forward. But hopeful.

People say, let it go – the younger generation will vote it in eventually. That’s where you’re headed. But the reason younger folks are more tolerant is because brothers and sisters have died standing up and coming out. Mother’s and father’s have had their hearts broken open over their gay children, the death of those children, the discrimination of those children and they have grown bigger – grown taller, and come to stand by our sides. Allies call us friends. And we slowly erode the shores of hate. I will not wait. I will not sit quietly down. I am heart broken but I am not defeated. In my corner I have a treasure chest of comrades who know me. Friends who hold me up. A family that carries me. And a wife no one can take from me. Regardless of the wording of the law.

Today I am heartbroken. But I am not done. We have more work to do. Thank you for your service. Thank you for your efforts. You have made a difference. Because of you I have more than enough strength to Carry On.

our celebration with close family in madison co NC

in NY – after being married by the clerk of courts.

Some of you have been kind enough to tell me that you miss the gratitude friday series. And as it’s been a really moving week, I’m overflowing with gratitude so I thought we’d do this again. Also, I’m neck-high in intense upcoming events & stress -it’s always fulfilling to be grateful for a minute.

This week I’m grateful for:

Brides with an outstanding sense of humor. Do y’all know about mascara yoga? I didn’t either but it’s some good stuff.

The garden.

Red: Poppies. Fabric. Hearts.

My Makeup at the Grove team. Wow. Thank you.

Facebook? Yes. Sorry. Facebook. Y’all have overwhelmed me and uplifted so many folks in our fight against Amendment 1.

Baptists. That love their neighbors.

A cd. Getting me through. And Alabama Shakes’ Hold On in particular.

Holy Basil.

Fantastic models who are also pals.

Coffee.

Ideas in the studio. And knowing when to scrap them.

Surrender. Even though I’m not any bit of good at it.

Salem Academy. The outpouring of support from my Salem sisters has been incredible. My 4 years there were magical, full of hard work, and amazing lessons. And I came away changed. Thank you all.

My daddy.

My momma.

And the rest of my family & friends. Most grateful for y’all. Because every day, you continue to rise. You continue to show up. You continue to bring me to my knees in prayers of gratitude.

And she came to Asheville with her lovely man today for a secret elopement. We’d made an olive silk dress and grabbed some flowers from the garden and they got hitched at the court house. And we were blessed to be there. We were blessed to be their witnesses. We were uplifted by our local officiant. Love. In all things. That’s the message.

Deanna & Kyle. Blessings. May your road be filled with laughter & immense love.

Photos & co-witnessing by Apple. (Ashley Fleetwood)

This is what was said. By all means – pass it on:

It’s a hard monday. And then my dad called. And I thought I’d share. Because we’re all a little sad at the state of things. My daddy is one large republican cowboy. I’ll say it again: Republican Cowboy. He didn’t spare the rod, or go easy on most anything. He always said he loved us enough to teach us right versus wrong. Including that faggots weren’t friends. And then I grew up to be one. Today he called me for the 3rd day in a row. And he finally got to his point. “So sis, what’s this thing about amendments?” And I talked at him. And he listened. And then he said, “Just tell me- how to vote to take care of you.” And I said, well that vote hasn’t come around yet. But if you’d vote No then I’ll at least not have more of my few rights eroded. He said Ok. He said he loved me. About 6 times. He is different. Change happens folks. One person at a time.

Dad & me at my wedding celebration to my lovely wife.

And his toast. He said 3 words: “To Unconditional Love.”

I wrote a post about civil rights issues last June when NY passed their marriage equality law. You can read that post here: http://unabashedapparel.com/2011/06/28/rights-unchained/

I’m grateful for:

Grace, Graciousness, and Gracia.

Prayer.

Finding peace in a storm.

Solace. In movement. In silence. In friendship.

Work to do.

Creativity.

The muses. When you need them.

Thunderstorms.

Runs to set us right.

Firefighters who rescue.

Apple’s who give us good medicine.

The return of old kindred comrades. And their infectious laugh.

Dance parties on friday morning. That Vega thinks she can dance too.

The heart. Being bigger. Than you think.

The sunrise. Every morn.

Superstition Irises finally blooming.

We are thrilled that Jameykay will be documenting and shooting The Alchemy Collection project.

Take a look at her work on her website: http://jameykayyoung.com

Enjoy this small taste of her work:

It’s not too late to get involved with The Alchemy Collection.
Submit your original short story. fable, or fiction by May 13th to:
alchemy@unabashedapparel.com

Find out more details about The Alchemy Project here.

Early Spring makes me angsty. Yes. I know – I’m an odd duck. But all those fluffy bunnies and frilly trees and easter eggs, and brand new not-even-quite-green-green, it irritates me. And then comes the 2nd week in April and everything takes a turn. The green goes true. The rose bushes fill out and start to puff up their breasts and the rains have started to really mean it.

My two Old English Roses are blooming. And they make my heart sing in both fragrance and their diminutive size. Crocus Rose & Abraham Darby.

And then there are the Irises. This one is Champagne Elegance. Love flower names. Like it’s sister, Superstition. She hasn’t bloomed yet. I predict tomorrow.

The neighbor littles playing with ants on the peony bush. First thing I planted alongside my Salem Rosemary when I moved in. Roots. So many flower thoughts and silly little opinions. The first years were hard and unsure and shy and I knew nothing other than what I loved and I threw them in the ground and closed my eyes real tight.

And now they’re burgeoning. Taking over. Winding their tendrils around my heart. Even the ones that were supposed to be annuals. They annually come back. And grow brighter. Larger. Louder. Unconstrained.

But any seasoned gardener will tell you that in order to truly love the patch of earth you tend, you have to be willing to cut. Cut back the rose bushes. Cut back the Bluebeard and the rust-leaved hollyhocks. Weed out the wild violets you thought were so charming, before you learned they mightily take over Everything.

And once you do, you find that limping-along-lilac that is over 60 years old – it comes back to spring like a viral lass. Triumphant that you learned. What it needed.

While I love a good old bippity boppity boo just as much as the next fairytale lover – these little daily bits of sparkle are making my week:

This morning I was sitting with my coffee – typing business emails and checking the clock for yoga time (magic in and of itself) and low and behold – the fedex dude drove up & delivered to me a big old box marked Pumpkin Hill (what I sentimentally call the house) it was chock full of fancy french broad chocolate. With no sender’s name.

And then there was this quote from a friend:

painting of the milky way by Miguel Cartagena. Look it up. It’s a really amazing piece – full of epic Inca myth.

I was given an assignment. Write out your wildest most abundant business dreams. Wildest? Most abundant? What?

It was a good assignment. I’m not sure I accomplished it well. My virgoan nature won’t let me let go and just dream large – too much. I’ve trained myself to think of success differently. Maybe I’m too old to just think of having a plethora of worker bees to help me. That’s a lot of pressure when you aren’t the only thing depending on your success.

I relearned that I need space. Would I have more success if I learned to give myself that space without guilt? Also – I plan to work my arse off for a real long time. Real long.

And I learned I have a driving need to create. In many forms. So I’ll be going to the ceramic studio a little later in the morning. I also realized that I am in the end, an old school designer. I have ideas for clothes, shoes, cups, plates, curtains, baseboards (did she just say baseboards? – yes.) If I had 300 more years I’d want to put my grubby little paws on it all.

For me it takes a lot of time to learn a trade and then be able to allow room for my own creative process to imprint its style on that trade. It takes a while for things not to look clumsy. Old school. Years learning how to grow, card, comb, spin, dye and weave a fiber. Years. I would have been a great 18th century apprentice.

In my wildest dreams I have a star factory. And we grow clothes that wrap around you and teach you how to be bold & courageous & compassionate.

It was an overcast day – and slightly cooler – and when a gal is running a few months behind on shooting a fall/winter collection, she’s glad that the weather gods seem to lean her way. I had lovely ladies and a few gents too.
And I had Alexis Culver. Yes I did.
And remember that wedding dress I was fiendishly sewing into the night? Well that was for my delightful Serenity Eyre – makeup artist extraordinaire. Yes I was plotting to keep her forever.
We shot at Stylist Hallie’s house. And. Did. She. Cook.  Threw Down I think is the saying. More later.

For now – we’ll be updating the shop for the current s/s12 collection April 1st. And We’ve got our Alchemy Collection Collaboration Project in the Wings. Don’t forget to mention it to all your creative writing buddies. We’re still accepting submissions! We’d love to read your tale! (flash fiction I’m told – because I had one heck of a writer as a model this shoot & I’m wiser about the ways of the poets now). Cheers!